Uncle Chakra (Comedy-Pop Indie-Funk)

[Verse 1] He rolls up late in Carlton with a tote bag full of stones He says, “Before we split the bill, let’s align our soul bones” He calls my outfit “a journey” then nods like he’s been warned He’s got a moon in his left pocket and a postcode he has sworn [Pre-Chorus] He asks if I’m “open-minded” while stirring tea with sage Says my ex had “karmic fog” and “left me in a cage” I said, “Mate, I just met you” He said, “That’s how it starts” Then he placed two amethysts directly on my heart [Chorus] Uncle Chakra, take me gently Uncle Chakra, read my chart Uncle Chakra, make this dating less like chaos, more like art (Oh-oh) Uncle Chakra (Oh-oh) bless this start Uncle Chakra, if I ghost you please forgive my nervous heart [Verse 2] He got a seven-step ritual for the app and for the date Swipe left with intention, darling swipe right with the grace of fate He won’t kiss till Mercury is “behaving in the realm” He once thanked a tram conductor for “initiating the helm” He orders “water, room temp only” at a bar on Swanston Street Then he says my aura’s “jumpy” and my trauma’s “incomplete” I’m trying hard not to lose it when he bows to every tree But he makes a terrible punchline and a really good coffee [Pre-Chorus] He says, “Your scars are sacred” and I nearly fall apart Then he draws a tiny mandala on a napkin with a fart I said, “You’re absolutely cracked” He said, “That’s a blessed state” Then he tapped my wrist and grinned at me and called it second date [Chorus] Uncle Chakra, take me gently Uncle Chakra, read my chart Uncle Chakra, make this dating less like chaos, more like art (Oh-oh) Uncle Chakra (Oh-oh) bless this start Uncle Chakra, if I ghost you please forgive my nervous heart [Bridge] Last night down by the river he said, “Love is not a race” Then he dropped his whole rose quartz set in a very public place We both knelt there in the drizzle laughing like we’d lost our minds He looked up and said, “That’s healing” with glitter on his bindis [Final Chorus] Uncle Chakra, take me gently Uncle Chakra, read my chart Uncle Chakra, make this dating less like chaos, more like art (Oh-oh) Uncle Chakra (Oh-oh) bless this start Uncle Chakra, if I marry I’ll still think you’re weird and smart