Three-Day Nap on the Kitchen Floor (Loose Goofy)

[Verse 1] Found my keys in the fridge Found my toast in the sink Found my phone in the shower (it was still mid-ring) Tried to text my boss “I’m fine” Auto-correct wrote “I am a door” Stared at that for twenty minutes Face down on the kitchen floor [Chorus] I took one nap Woke up three days later Wore my shirt like a hat Called my neighbor “Darth Vader” (hey) If I said I’m okay Please ignore every word I’m a three-day nap on the kitchen floor Mumbling sentences nobody’s heard [Verse 2] Made some soup in the kettle Made some tea in my shoe Argued with a coat on a hanger Thought it said “I’m judging you” (rude) Tried to walk in a straight line Introduced myself to the door “Nice to meet you Mr. Wall” Then bowed to the bathroom floor [Chorus] I took one nap Woke up three days later Wore my pants as a cape Fought a broom like a traitor (en garde) If I said I’m all right Please ignore every word I’m a three-day nap on the kitchen floor Speaking fluent nonsense to the herd [Bridge] [Breakdown Drums and claps only] Is this my house? Is that my shoe? Why is the cat Interviewing you? (me-ow) If I ever say “I’ve got it under control” Just hand me water And hide the remote [Chorus] I took one nap Woke up three days later Signed my mail to myself As “Your Future Dictator” If I said I’m okay Please ignore every word I’m a three-day nap on the kitchen floor Talking absolute garbage to the world [Verse 1] Sat down once Never stood up Couch said “Buddy You live here now” I said “Yup” Remote in my hand One sock No plan Crumbs in my hair Screen glow tan Asked my friend “What day’s today?” He said “Bro… it’s June” Last thing I remember I was making lunch at noon [Chorus] I think my couch is my dealer Keeps handing out naps like “try this” (try this) Every time I say “I’ll get up” It hits me with that soft-fabric bliss I’m not lazy I’m loyal To this lumpy rectangle throne Yeah My couch is my dealer Got me stuck in the sitting zone [Verse 2] DoorDash knows my address Better than my mom does Delivery guy high-fives me Like “Back again Cuz?” (hey) Found three forks in the cushions And a slice of ancient cheese I said “This is archaeology” Couch said “Boy Please” My playlist hit repeat Just like my life did Even the plant in the corner Whispered “Move You squid” [Chorus] I think my couch is my dealer Keeps handing out naps like “take two” (take two) Says “Why chase your dreams outside When you can just dream right here Dude?” I’m not stuck I’m chosen By this saggy Sacred throne Yeah My couch is my dealer Charging rent in crumbs alone [Bridge] [Beat drops to bass and snaps] Tried to stand up Couch went “nah” Gravity laughed Floor said “ha” If motivation ever calls Tell it I’m “not at home” I’m in a long-term relationship With this fluffy monochrome [Chorus] I think my couch is my dealer Keeps slipping me “sit one more minute” And I fall for the pitch every time Like there’s a trophy if I