Stole My Dealer, Kept My Dignity (Ska-Punk Male)

[Verse 1] Woke up in my neighbor’s shed Wallet gone Still got my meds Three raccoons They all look concerned “Bro Go home” — life lesson learned [Chorus] You stole my dealer Kept my dignity (thanks, man) Guess all I really needed was accountability Lost my lighter Lost my phone Lost my identity But you stole my dealer Kept my dignity (priorities) [Verse 2] Tried to text my ex Texted the bank Asked my boss for vibes They just said “you’re blank” Ate six soaps Thought they were mints My guardian angel’s filing complaints [Chorus] You stole my dealer Kept my dignity (what a bro) Signed me up for therapy and made me herbal tea Took my stash Took my fog Gave me clarity Yeah You stole my dealer But you left my dignity [Bridge] Now I’m high on hydration Buzzing off good sleep Tripping on my feelings Those hit pretty deep (who knew?) If you see my old dealer Tell them “thanks for the break” I got addicted to waking up With only one headache [Chorus] You stole my dealer Kept my dignity (round of applause) Turned my midnight nonsense into morning sanity If I relapse It’s on snacks and trash TV ‘Cause you stole my dealer But you fixed my dignity --- [Verse 1] Bought a burrito from a parking meter Told a seagull he’s my life coach leader Tried to order fries from a fire alarm It just screamed back I took that to heart [Chorus] I tried to hug a traffic cone Told it “you’re my safest zone” (come here) Cried when it just stood alone Plastic soul Heart of stone If nonsense had a stepping stone I’d build a castle Call it Home Yeah I tried to hug a traffic cone Best relationship I’ve ever known [Verse 2] Had a deep talk with my left shoe Said “you support me more than my crew” Waved at a pigeon Called him “sir” He flew away I wrote him a slur (in my notes app) [Chorus] I tried to hug a traffic cone Whispered “you’re my orange throne” Security filmed us on their phone Now I’m viral Fully grown If logic ever checks my phone It’ll block my number Change its tone ‘Cause I tried to hug a traffic cone And honestly I felt less alone [Bridge] [Beat drops Half-time groove] Doctor asked “you high?” I said “define” Is loving street furniture really a crime? If caring too much for construction gear’s wrong Lock me up ’cause this is my song (yup) [Chorus] I tried to hug a traffic cone Sent it twelve late-night voice notes If delusion needed a ringtone It’d be my slurred love quotes World keeps spinning like it’s stoned I just want my cone to text me “yo” Till then I’ll stand here on my own Practicing hugs on garden gnomes