Polite Company Panic Attack (Chaotic Comedy)

[Intro] (yeah) I’m a walking comment section Typed in the flesh Mouth like a glitchy keyboard Auto-wreck at its best [Verse 1] You jellybean tyrant Tiny tornado of toast crumbs Soggy cereal sorcerer King of the crusty socks Here he comes (ew) You discount dragon With the Wi‑Fi rage Microwave philosopher Burnt popcorn sage You glitter-bomb gremlin Left in the sun too long Human-sized captcha Never getting that “I’m not a bot” box done [Chorus] You absolute chaos cupcake Sprinkled with stress and regret Budget boss-fight broomstick Tripping on your own headset You pickle-juice porcupine Spiky and mildly upset I’m not mad I’m impressed My dude How you fail at the easy steps (hey!) [Verse 2] You lukewarm lasagna Sliding off a paper plate Participation trophy pirate Lost inside your own update You bluetooth banana Never pairing Always loud Emotional support spreadsheet Crying in the corporate cloud You thrift-store thunder All rumble No rain TikTok tutorial samurai Cutting air Missing frame [Chorus] You absolute chaos cupcake Sprinkled with stress and regret Budget boss-fight broomstick Tripping on your own headset You pickle-juice porcupine Spiky and mildly upset I’m not mad I’m impressed My dude How you fail at the easy steps (oh yeah) [Bridge] You garden-gnome gladiator Tiny Furious Built to yelp Hand-sanitizer hermit Asking Google for basic help (help!) You oatmeal overlord Ruling from a plastic chair You’re the “before” photo of a nap And you still look unprepared [Chorus] You absolute chaos cupcake Sprinkled with stress and regret Budget boss-fight broomstick Tripping on your own headset You pickle-juice porcupine Spiky and mildly upset I’m not mad I’m impressed My dude How you fail at the easy steps (trolling in the group chat) How you fail at the easy steps