Personal Space Is Where The (Upbeat Comedy)

[Verse 1] He knows my coffee order, somehow knows my train Leaves a note saying “saw you” by the window in the rain He waves from behind a mailbox, what a subtle little creep Then texts “hope you’re not alarmed” while I’m trying to sleep [Pre-Chorus] I changed my route, I changed my hat I moved three towns, imagine that But every time I turn around There’s that guy grinning from the lost-and-found [Chorus] He is a stalker, comic-book bizarre He follows me politely in a tiny rental car He is a stalker, waving like a fan Buddy, please stop tracking me and get yourself a plan He is a stalker—this isn’t romance Please leave me alone and give personal space a chance [Verse 2] He sent me seven selfies from outside my dentist’s door One said “nice appointment,” I don’t go there anymore He learned my favorite sandwich, memorized my shoe size Then hid behind a potted plant wearing fake disguise [Pre-Chorus] I called my friends, I called the cops He called to ask if calling stops The officer said, “Sir, retreat” He said, “Can I at least return this receipt?” [Chorus] He is a stalker, comic-book bizarre He follows me politely in a tiny rental car He is a stalker, waving like a fan Buddy, please stop tracking me and get yourself a plan He is a stalker—this isn’t romance Please leave me alone and give personal space a chance [Bridge] Now he’s taking classes called “Respecting Boundaries 101” He’s deleting all my photos one by one He got a normal hobby, joined a bowling team And finally stopped appearing in my recurring dream [Final Chorus] He was a stalker, now he understands No surprise visits, no notes, no following vans He was a stalker, learned the golden rule: If someone says “back off,” then back off like a fool He was a stalker—case closed, hooray Personal space is where the good jokes stay [Outro] He waved from far away—I waved once, then went inside He took the hint, and for the first time, I enjoyed the ride