Konbini Cowboy (Country-Pop Shuffle)

[Verse 1] I ain’t high I’m just sideways Staring at this vending machine Pretty sure it just proposed to me In Japanese on the screen I rode a shopping cart to Texas From the parking lot next door Had a duel with a garden gnome Now we’re roommates on the floor [Chorus] Call me konbini cowboy Riding aisle nine at dawn (yee-haw) Got a plastic cactus partner And a coupon for “so long” I ain’t touched a drop tonight Still I’m talking to the soy Oh là là Mamá Oy vey I’m your konbini cowboy [Verse 2] I tried to pay my bar tab With three Doritos and a song Bartender said “You’re inspirational” Then he quietly called my mom I ordered “water Extra crunchy” He poured ice straight on my head Now I’m dripping like a fountain Giving wisdom by the bread [Chorus] Call me konbini cowboy Riding aisle nine at dawn (hey!) Got a plastic cactus partner And a coupon for “so long” I ain’t touched a drop tonight Still I’m talking to the soy Bueno Ciao Bonsoir Oy vey I’m your konbini cowboy --- [Verse 1] I met her in my kitchen 2 a.m Romántico Hair a mess No mascara Still she looked fantástico I whispered “Hola Mami You shine like a rising sun” Then I blinked and finally noticed I’d been flirting with a plug [Chorus] Señorita This is a toaster Not the love of your vida Hermano (ay dios mío) You just tried to kiss an appliance Screaming “mi corazón Te amo” “Te quiero para siempre Bebé” It replied with a crumb and a smoke cloud Señorita This is a toaster And your brain just checked out [Verse 2] I took it to a dinner Introduced it to my dad He said “Son You need some sleep But damn That grilled cheese is mad” I gave it little sunglasses Posted pics “we look so fly” Comments said “go touch some grass” I said “We would But it’s shy” [Chorus] Señorita This is a toaster Not the love of your vida Hermano (ay ay ay) You just wrote a four-page poem About “nuestro fuego dorado” “Casarnos en la playa Mi luz” It replied with a pop and a burnt cloud Señorita This is a toaster And your brain just checked out --- [Verse 1] Woke up yesterday tomorrow Or maybe three weeks ago My phone said “Monday Probably” My plants said “please let go” I made a midnight sandwich Looked crunchy Round And bright Now my stomach keeps on buzzing Beeping every single night [Chorus] Bro I think I ate the alarm clock (uh-oh) Every time I nap I go “BEEP BEEP BEEP” Neighbor’s yelling “Dude Just stop” But my ribs go “RING RING” in my sleep I’m a walking snooze button disaster Hit my head I’ll give you ten more Bro I think I ate the alarm clock And time’s passed out on the floor [Verse 2] I tried to call the doctor But I answered my own hand